You know, I never thought I’d have to write that letter—the one where I had to sit down and explain to school officials how a grown adult, a TEACHER’S ASSISTANT, thought it was okay to mock my child. A child with ADHD. A child who already has enough stacked against him without an authority figure piling on. But here we are. And let me be crystal clear: what transpired was UNACCEPTABLE.

The Incident: When Professionals Aren’t So Professional

Picture this: My son, who lives in a world that doesn’t exactly cater to ADHD brains, was having one of those days. You know the ones. Maybe he forgot his homework because his brain had other priorities. Or maybe the classroom had the vibe of a zoo, and he was just trying to hold it together. But instead of receiving compassion or understanding, the TEACHER'S ASSISTANT decided it was the perfect time to make an example out of him.

The taunting started, and she threw out passive-aggressive comments in front of his classmates, poking fun at his struggles. We’re talking about a child who already feels different, who’s aware that school doesn’t come as easily to him as it does for others. And here’s an adult—someone in a position of power—mocking him, making him feel even more alienated. My mama bear instincts went into full force.

So, I fired off a letter to the school—no, I didn’t just fire it off, I drafted it with the fury of every ADHD mom who’s had enough of her kid being misunderstood, mistreated, and underestimated. The audacity! I demanded immediate action. Not only did I call for accountability, but I also reminded them, in no uncertain terms, of their legal obligation to provide support for neurodivergent students.

ADHD and Mistreatment: The Ugly Truth

Sadly, what happened to my son isn’t unique. Kids with ADHD are three times more likely to be bullied than their neurotypical peers, and often, the bullying doesn’t just come from other kids—it comes from adults. And here’s the kicker: 62% of students with ADHD report being treated unfairly by teachers. That’s more than half of our kids who are being labeled as “lazy” or “troublemakers” instead of getting the support they need.

And it’s not just a matter of hurt feelings. The emotional impact of mistreatment at school can be devastating for ADHD children. They’re more likely to suffer from low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression, and these feelings can carry into adulthood. When the very people who are supposed to help them learn instead tear them down, the damage is long-lasting.

The school system should be a place where our children are nurtured and supported, not a place where they’re mocked or written off as hopeless cases. But too often, the system fails our kids, and that’s when we as parents have to step in and advocate—loudly and unapologetically.

Advocating for Your ADHD Child: Where to Start

So, how do you handle it when your child is mistreated? How do you make sure your child is seen, heard, and respected in a system that’s not set up for their success? Here are some steps that have worked for me and other parents of neurodivergent kids:

1. Document Everything: Start a journal of incidents, whether it’s mistreatment, failure to provide accommodations, or behavioral changes in your child that might be linked to issues at school. Write down what happened, who was involved, and how your child was affected. Documentation is key when you bring up concerns with school officials.

2. Know Your Rights: Educate yourself on the laws that protect your child. Under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) and Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act, schools are legally required to provide appropriate accommodations. They’re not doing you a favor by giving your child extra time on tests or allowing sensory breaks—it’s the law. Use this knowledge to push back when needed.

3. Email, Don’t Call: As much as I love a good phone call to vent, emails create a paper trail that’s hard to ignore. Always follow up on conversations with a written summary and CC everyone—the teacher, the principal, the special education coordinator. If the situation doesn’t improve, escalate it to the district. And don’t be afraid to mention terms like “discrimination” and “hostile learning environment”—those tend to get schools moving.

4. Request a Meeting: Ask for a formal meeting with the teacher, the principal, and anyone else involved in your child’s education. In this meeting, don’t just ask for an apology; ask for actionable solutions. How will they prevent this from happening again? What will they do to ensure your child feels safe and supported moving forward? Make sure they put it in writing.

5. Bring in an Advocate: If you’re not getting anywhere, you might want to bring in an outside advocate or an educational lawyer. Sometimes just the presence of someone who knows the law can make school officials sit up and take notice. And remember, you are well within your rights to demand better treatment for your child.

Building Your Child Back Up at Home

As much as we want schools to be the safe, supportive environment our kids deserve, the reality is that we often have to do a lot of the emotional heavy lifting at home. When my son came home after being taunted by his teacher’s assistant, it wasn’t just a bruise to his ego—it was a hit to his self-worth. So, here’s what I’m doing (and what you can do) to build him back up:

1. Validate Their Emotions: The first step is letting them know that their feelings are valid. If they’re angry, let them be angry. If they’re sad, let them cry. Your child needs to know that it’s okay to feel hurt when they’ve been mistreated, and that their emotions are justified.

2. Affirm Their Value: Kids with ADHD often get the message that they’re “too much,” “not enough,” or just “different.” It’s our job to drown out those voices with affirmation. Make sure they know that their ADHD brain is special, that it’s filled with creativity, energy, and out-of-the-box thinking. Highlight their strengths: “You’re so good at thinking of new ideas” or “I love how creative you are when you’re working on projects.”

3. Empower Them to Speak Up: One of the best things we can do for our kids is to teach them how to advocate for themselves. Role-play situations where they might face teasing or taunting and help them come up with responses. Teach them how to say things like, “I deserve respect” or “That wasn’t fair.” Give them the language to defend themselves so they don’t feel powerless in the moment.

4. Celebrate the Wins: Every day has a win, even on the toughest days. Maybe your child managed to sit through a lesson without zoning out, or they remembered to bring home their homework (hallelujah!). Celebrate those small victories. Your child needs to know that they’re succeeding even when it feels like the world is against them.

5. Create a Support System: Outside of school, make sure your child is surrounded by people who understand them. Whether it’s family, friends, or a therapist who specializes in ADHD, make sure they have a support network that reminds them of their worth. These positive influences can counteract the negativity they might face at school.

6. Teach Emotional Management: It’s tough to see our kids struggle with big emotions, especially when those emotions are tied to school stress. Help them name their feelings and work through them. Whether it’s using deep breathing, journaling, or just taking a moment to talk, showing them how to manage their emotions will give them the tools to bounce back from tough situations.

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Final Thoughts: Never Stop Advocating

Let me be real for a second—there’s nothing more infuriating than watching your child get mistreated by someone who should know better. But we can’t always control what happens at school. What we can do is advocate fiercely and make sure our kids feel supported, valued, and loved at home.

Our ADHD warriors face challenges every day, but with us in their corner, they can and will thrive. And to every teacher and school official out there: If you mess with my kid, be prepared. Because I’ll be there with documentation, laws, and fire in my eyes. We will NOT stand for mistreatment.

And to that teacher’s assistant who thought taunting my son was okay? If you’re reading this (and I hope you are), just know: you picked the wrong child, and the wrong mama.

If you found this article helpful, check out this piece with my top resources for ADHD parenting. 👉 The Ultimate ADHD Parenting Survival Kit: Resources That Saved My Sanity | The Meditated Mama

Parents, have you had to step in and advocate for your ADHD child? Let’s share our stories and tips in the comments below. Together, we can make schools a better, more inclusive place for all of our kids.