8 September 2024
Why Children with ADHD Struggle with Friendships and How to Help
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Hey, there Mommies! Let's dive into a topic that's near and dear (and occasionally tear-your-hair-out frustrating) to my heart: why our kids with ADHD struggle with friendships and what we can do to help them. If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably spent countless nights worrying about your child’s social life. You’ve watched them try to join a group of kids on the playground, only to be rebuffed. You’ve comforted them after another birthday party invitation never materialized. It’s enough to make any mom want to lock herself in the bathroom with a glass of wine and cry.
So, what gives? Why is it so hard for our amazing, unique, and often hilariously quirky kids to make friends? The reality is that ADHD can throw some serious curveballs when it comes to social interactions.
The Struggle is Real, Folks
First off, let’s get one thing straight. ADHD isn’t just about your kiddo bouncing off the walls or forgetting their homework (again). It’s also about the social challenges that can leave both kids and parents feeling isolated. Approximately 50-60% of children with ADHD have significant problems with peer relationships. That’s a lot of kiddos struggling to make and keep friends, and it's a special kind of heartbreak to see them left out.
So, why is this happening? Well, ADHD can impact a child’s ability to:
First off, let’s talk about social cues. You know how some kids just seem to instinctively know when to jump into a conversation or when to back off? Yeah, that’s not always the case with ADHD. Our kiddos might be too busy focusing on a butterfly fluttering by to notice that their friend is looking bored or annoyed. It's like everyone else got the memo on the secret social rules, and our kids are still waiting for theirs to arrive by snail mail.
Impulsivity is another biggie. Imagine you’re in a conversation, and your brain is firing off thoughts faster than you can keep up. Now imagine you blurt out the first thing that comes to mind without thinking. It might be funny sometimes, but more often, it can lead to awkward moments and hurt feelings. Kids with ADHD might not mean to be rude or insensitive; they just have a harder time hitting the pause button before speaking.
And let’s not forget inattention. This isn’t just about not paying attention in class; it’s also about zoning out during a friend’s story or missing the key point in a game. It’s like trying to watch a movie with the power going out every few minutes. Not only is it frustrating for our kids, but it can also be frustrating for their friends, who might feel ignored or unimportant.
Emotional regulation can also play a role. Kids with ADHD often experience emotions more intensely. A minor disagreement can turn into a major meltdown, and a small slight can feel like a huge betrayal. These big emotions can be hard for other kids to understand and navigate, leading to more social friction.
Despite all these challenges, there’s hope—and a lot you can do to help your child navigate the rocky terrain of friendships. It’s not about changing who they are; it’s about equipping them with the tools and skills they need to connect with others. And trust me, as an ADHD mom and parent coach, I’ve seen firsthand how these strategies can make a world of difference.
Ready to dive into some practical tips and strategies? Let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work, because if there’s one thing us Scary Mommies are good at, it’s tackling challenges head-on and coming out stronger on the other side!
Practical Strategies from a Mom in the Trenches
Now, let’s talk solutions. As an ADHD mom and parent coach, I’ve been there, done that, and got the crayon-stained T-shirt. Here’s what’s worked for me and many parents I’ve coached:
Role-Playing: Use role-playing to teach social skills. Pretend to be a classmate and practice different scenarios. Make it fun and silly to keep their interest. For example, you can act out what to do if someone doesn’t want to play the same game or how to join a group that’s already playing. My son loved our "pretend school," where he got to play both the teacher and the students, giving him a safe space to navigate social dynamics.
Teach and Practice Empathy: Help your child understand how their actions affect others. Discuss feelings regularly and use examples from their own experiences. If your child interrupts a friend, talk about how that might make the friend feel. Ask questions like, “How would you feel if someone interrupted you?” Regularly reading books or watching shows with strong social-emotional themes can also be a great way to spark these discussions.
Encourage Structured Activities: Sports, clubs, and groups can provide a more structured environment where rules and expectations are clear. It’s easier to make friends when everyone knows what’s expected of them. My son thrived in his karate class because the structure helped him understand when to speak and when to listen, and the shared goal of earning belts created a common ground with his peers.
Facilitate Playdates: Set up one-on-one playdates in a controlled environment. It’s less overwhelming than a big group, and you can step in if needed to guide interactions. Keep the first few playdates short and sweet—an hour or two is usually plenty of time. Provide activities that encourage cooperative play, like building a Lego set together or baking cookies. Be ready to intervene gently if conflicts arise, guiding them back on track with phrases like, “Remember to take turns” or “How about we try this?”
Social Skills Groups: Consider enrolling your child in a social skills group. These groups are specifically designed to teach and practice social interactions in a safe space. Look for programs run by therapists or trained professionals. My son attended a weekly group where they played games that required cooperation and communication, which was a game-changer for his ability to make and keep friends.
Model Behavior: Show your child how to be a good friend by modeling the behavior yourself. Talk about your friendships and the importance of listening, sharing, and empathy. Let your child see you interacting with your friends, showing them how to greet people, maintain conversations, and resolve conflicts. I often narrate my actions in social settings, saying things like, “I’m going to listen to what Aunt Jane is saying before I tell her my story” or “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath.”
Celebrate the Wins: Don’t forget to celebrate the small victories. Did your kiddo share their toy without being prompted? High five! Every positive interaction builds their social confidence. Create a “friendship jar” where you can drop a marble for every kind act or successful social interaction your child has. Once it’s full, celebrate with a special treat or activity. Positive reinforcement goes a long way in encouraging good behavior.
Remember, this journey is all about progress, not perfection. It’s okay if things don’t always go smoothly—social skills take time to develop, and every child’s path is unique. Celebrate the little moments of success and keep providing the guidance and support your child needs to navigate their social world. We’re all in this together, and with patience, understanding, and a bit of creativity, we can help our ADHD kiddos thrive in their friendships.
Are You Struggling as an ADHD Parent??
Do you find yourself longing for support, guidance, and a listening ear? I'm here to help! Sign up for a complimentary 30-minute coaching call where we can chat one-on-one about your unique struggles and explore personalized strategies to help you navigate the ups and downs of ADHD parenting. Together, we'll uncover practical techniques, mindset shifts, and coping mechanisms to bring more peace, clarity, and joy into your family's life. Click the link below to schedule your free coaching call today—I can't wait to connect with you and support you on your parenting journey.
https://calendly.com/danielle-tmm/coaching-consultation
Final Thoughts
Remember, your child isn’t trying to be difficult. They’re navigating a world that isn’t always built for their way of thinking. It’s our job to be their guide and cheerleader, helping them build the skills they need to succeed socially. Every day is a new opportunity to teach, support, and celebrate their unique journey.
Patience is your superpower. It’s easy to get frustrated when your child struggles to make friends or fit in, but keep in mind that your calm and understanding presence is exactly what they need. When you approach these challenges with empathy, you’re not just teaching them social skills—you’re teaching them that they are loved and valued just as they are.
Understanding is your secret weapon. The more you learn about ADHD and its impact on social interactions, the better equipped you’ll be to support your child. Educate yourself, connect with other parents, and seek out resources that can help you understand what your child is experiencing. Knowledge truly is power, and the more you know, the more you can help your child navigate their social world.
To all the parents out there feeling the sting of seeing your child struggle to make friends, know that you’re not alone. It’s a journey, and while it’s not always easy, the rewards of seeing your child connect and grow are priceless. There will be days when it feels like an uphill battle, but there will also be moments of pure joy when your child finds a friend who truly gets them or navigates a social situation with newfound confidence.
If you found this article helpful, check out our piece on how telling your child they have ADHD can be incredibly empowering, especially in their friendships. Unveiling the Impact: Why It's Empowering to Disclose ADHD to Our Children | The Meditated Mama
You’ve got this, mama, and together, we can help our ADHD kiddos build the social skills they need to thrive. Here’s to every small step forward and every friendship made—because those are the moments that make this journey truly worthwhile.
Why Children with ADHD Struggle with Friendships and How to Help
Discover why ADHD kids face social challenges and learn practical strategies to help them thrive, from a seasoned ADHD mom and parent coach.
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